Amber on Ice

They refer to "toast" as someone who's become burnt/spent/done from their time On-Ice. I remember my winterover friends talking about it when I arrived in August all peppy and excited. In fact, I remember looking at their faces, the whitest I had seen, with dark circles under their eyes and thought "wow" that's some kind of tired. Well, It's possible I've become a bit toasted myself. I am often irritable, I don't want to meet new people, I drink alcohol every day, I haven't slept without Tylenol PM in months often followed by a chaser, I am obsessed with walking barefoot in the grass, I find myself choking back tears but I don't even know why, I want to sleep until I get on the plane, all of my good friends are driving me crazy and I them, I now have to spend all day convincing myself to go to the gym, I hate the cold, I loathe big red, I haven't shaved my legs since New Year's -- the other day I could feel my legs hair blowing in the wind on my run back to the dorm (smile honey). Yeah, okay so maybe this sounds like depression, I don't know. This is definitely some kind of isolation and they let some people do this for 14-months straight -- WTF?!?! All-in-all I love this place and my experience but I feel obligated to share some of the physical/mental challenges one faces in such a remote and desolate environment.

Followed is a toastiness self-test that was posted on our I-Drive this morning.

Toastiness Self-Test:

+1 The cold no longer bothers you.
+1 Developing a strange attraction with all things green.
+1 You have a piss bottle.
+1 You don’t know those new faces in the galley and you don’t want to know them.
+1 You’re not sure what day it is.
+2 You don’t care that you don’t know what day it is.
+2 You find yourself obsessively applying hand cream even while talking to others.
+2 It’s summer and you leave the bar at closing time fully expecting it to be dark outside.
+2 You find yourself seriously considering career options here.
+2 You’re not sure what season it is.
+2 You have a favorite kind of Chapstick.
+3 Still wearing big red in December because you know that it is just going to get cold again and besides, all of your stuff is somewhere in those pockets.
+3 Mainbody people frighten you.
+3 Penguins no longer seem cute.
+3 It’s 2 a.m. and you are in the lounge staring at the ice.
+4 You have ever had to puke in your piss bottle.
+4 Dark rings around the eyes develop their own gravity.
+4 You no longer care about the McMurdo gossip.
+4 You answer every question with “Go fuck yourself”.
+5 You have pondered the notion of throwing yourself into Erebus.
+5 You have considered barbecuing seal.
+5 You take your sleeping pill with a whiskey chaser.
+6 The peas are talking to you.
+20 You come up with a toastiness self test.

Bonus
+ X You check your donut of misery more than once per day. (add 2 points per time over 1)

Totals:
0-10 Not even close FNGI.
11-20 You can see the cliff approaching but are powerless to stop it.
20+ Welcome to toasty land.